Fowl Play

Tonight marked my first trip to a Gwinnett Braves minor league baseball game. The stadium is only a stone's throw away from my parents' house, and since I'm an avid Atlanta Braves fan, I've been dying to see the AAA up-and-comers in action. Naturally, when my dad asked me if I'd like to attend the game I happily obliged.

Since I graduated college six months ago and I still can't find a job, I've grown to believe that my degree is absolutely useless. It might be useless in helping me find a job, but it's good for one thing: free parking at a Gwinnett Braves game. The parking lot attendant must have noticed my expired Georgia State parking permit hanging on my rearview mirror because when I pulled up he said, "I'm not even going to let you pay. You're a fellow Panther. Go on ahead, now." That's right. My $3 parking fee was waved. Talk about savings. Little did I know that this generous Panther foreshadowed what was to come...

No, I didn't receive more free stuff. Although, a free beer would have been nice. Even though the Gwinnett Braves play minor league baseball, in the words of my father, "they sure do charge major league prices on beer." No, I was bombarded with every endorsement the G-Braves could throw at me in six short innings. (We left early. Who could stick around for nine innings at $6.25 a beer)?

I quickly realized that the nod to the Georgia State Panthers was endorsement one of seemingly thousands over the course of the game. There were the usual endorsements--concession stands advertising Budweiser, fancy hot dogs, funnel cakes, etc. Those types of advertisements don't phase me because they have become a part of our every day lives. But the G-Braves have a flair for the cheese factor unlike any I've seen before.

Here's an example of the cheese factor. Since Chick-fil-a is a sponsor, each of the foul poles in the stadium dons a sign that reads, "Eat Mor Fowl". How very clever. (Insert eye roll here). The fowl pole signage isn't the only trick Chick-fil-a has up it's sleeve. Every five minutes or so an announcer would come over the loud speaker to inform us that, "Any time you catch a foul ball, bring the ball to customer service to receive a coupon for a free Chick-fil-a sandwich!" And sure enough, every time a lucky spectator caught a foul ball, the same voice would boom, "Don't forget to take that foul ball to customer service to receive your free Chick-fil-a sandwich." I hope you can understand how annoying this ritual was. I'm getting annoyed just typing the words. 

All of this fowl talk doesn't even compare to the ultimate endorsement lesson I learned this evening: When in doubt, dress people up in inflatable costumes. (Because obviously inflatable costumes are the ultimate marketing tool). In an attempt to advertise for America's Best Eyewear, three schmucks ran onto the field wearing--you guessed it--inflatable eyeballs. One green, one brown, one blue. The first eyeball to run to the opposite dugout and back won a free pair of eyeglasses for a kid in the crowd wearing a corresponding colored shirt.

Really? Inflatable eyeballs? The cheese factor just increased exponentially. 

Now, instead of focusing on my obvious disdain for all things inflatable, I think I should use my G-Braves experience as an idea for future business ventures. I think it's time for me to start calling local business and offering myself as a marketing tool for their products. Just picture it:

Me. The busy streets of downtown Atlanta. An inflatable Coca Cola bobble head. Or maybe a pair of inflatable CNN googly eyes. How 'bout an inflatable Chicken & Waffles bra and panties set? I wonder how Gladys would feel about this idea. 

If all else fails, maybe I can get a job as an inflatable moon bounce operator at the Gwinnett Braves stadium. Oh, I didn't mention the wide array of inflatable moon bounces located in the outfield?  The inflatable castle was pretty cool, but the inflatable dog looked a wee bit inappropriate bouncing up and down rhythmically amongst a swarm of anxious youngsters. No wonder the other team couldn't hit any home runs...