Welcome to Our ool...

Since swimsuit season is officially upon us, I thought it would be appropriate to pay homage to one of my favorite summer traditions: lounging by the pool. For as long as I can remember, at least one week out of every summer has been spent visiting my mom's family in Rhode Island. Little Rhody will forever be my favorite vacation spot because we make it a point to keep our "To Do" list to a minimum. It usually looks something like this:

1. Eat.
2. Sit by the pool.
3. Get Dell's Lemonade.
4. Eat.
5. Sit by the pool.
6. Play cards.
7. Eat.

We like to keep it simple. And if we run out of things to do, it's best to keep eating. The last thing you want to do is upset my Italian aunts by saying you're on a diet--even if you really are on a diet.

Judging by the "To Do" list I provided above, it's obvious that our favorite thing to do between meals is to sit by the pool. As a child, I distinctly remember a laminated sign hung on a fence post that read, "Welcome to our ool. Notice there is no P in it." Cliché, I know, but effective nonetheless. The "ool" sign wasn't the only tactic my uncle used to ward off looming bowel movements. He also told us that he had put a special chemical in the pool that would turn the water pink if we relieved ourselves while swimming. 

I was a competitive swimmer for ten years, and never once did I see a pool turn pink from someone peeing in it. But for some reason, I always believed that my uncle's pool was the exception. It never occurred to me that maybe he had fabricated the urine-activated chemical story  just to prevent us from using the pool as our own personal toilet. Apparently, a lot of people my age have been a victim of the pink water urban legend because everyone I know has a story about an uncle, dad, grandfather, or neighbor who used the same story to shame them into grabbing a towel and making the trek to the bathroom to relieve themselves.

I give a lot of credit to those brave souls who fooled a generation of children with the pink water trick. I believed in their story long after I stopped believing in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and even Zack Morris. (I take that last one back. I will always believe in Saved by the Bell). But it has to make you wonder... What else is the world telling me that just simply isn't true?

Is the economy really as bad as everyone says it is? Or do people just tell me the economy is bad to make me feel better about being too incompetent to find a decent job? The next thing you know, the writers of Lost will tell us that the castaways are nothing but the characters created in some autistic kid's imagination while he plays with a snow globe! Oh, wait. St. Elsewhere already used that one. But still.

Now, obviously I know that the economy isn't conducive to me finding a job at the moment, but I really think the government could have prevented this mess if they had just gotten a little more creative with the minds of the American public. If they had just told us that pissing on the economy would turn the water pink, then all of this unemployment could have been avoided! I'm telling you, the pink water trick has staying power. 

Obviously, creativity isn't the government's strong suit, so I'll just have to try to stay positive while looking for a job. Or maybe I could convince the government to hire me as a conspiracy creator. There haven't been any good government conspiracies since the y2k debacle. I take that back. Whoever convinced the world that Al Gore deserved a Nobel Peace Prize is a genius! Does anyone have Al's number? I'd make a great global warming fighter.